relationships

Dialogue, Not Demonization

Pradnya Mission and Ministry, Mission Weekly , , , , ,

Updates, resources, and events highlighting the integration of DePaul’s Vincentian mission into the daily life and work of the university community.

 

MISSION MONDAY

Photo by The Jopwell Collection on Unsplash

Dialogue, Not Demonization

Successful dialogue with “the other side” requires questioning our own thinking.

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UPCOMING EVENTS

Donate Blood—June 5 or 6

Make an appointment to give blood at the Ray Meyer Fitness and Recreation Center (Room 135):

  • Thursday, June 5 | 9:00 a.m. – 2:00 p.m.
  • Friday, June 6 | 12:00 p.m. – 5:00 p.m.
  • Schedule your visit at RedCrossBlood.org or call 1-800-RED CROSS. RapidPass is available to save you time.
  • As a thank-you, all donors in June will receive a $15 gift card and a chance to win a $7,000 prize!

All are welcome! Your participation helps strengthen our community of care.

 

Baccalaureate Lunch and Mass

Please RSVP HERE.

Dialogue, Not Demonization

Pradnya Mission and Ministry, Mission Monday , , , , ,

Written By: Miranda Lukatch, Editor, Vincentian Studies Institute

Photo by The Jopwell Collection on Unsplash

As political and social turmoil continues to beset the U.S., I keep asking questions. How did we get here? Where will we end up? And perhaps the most pressing question of all is a variation of the Vincentian question, What must be done? What can I do? How can I respond? At a virtual town hall a few months ago, my congressperson said that the most important thing to do now is to stay engaged—and he specifically recommended trying to talk to people who hold different views.

When he said that, I immediately recalled the last time I tried to engage a friend whose opinion seriously diverged from mine. It was in December 2021, when the first Covid boosters became available. My friend said he didn’t intend to get one. This friend and I had already had many conversations in 2020 that had not gone well. We differed on many issues, and it seemed to me that he was more and more inclined to believe in conspiracy theories. His positions on climate change and the origin of Covid particularly seemed to be anti-science, but he had gotten the first Covid vaccine. When he made this declaration, I was immediately prepared to try to convince him otherwise for his own good, especially since he had several health conditions that made him high risk. We started to debate vaccine safety. I began by talking about how vaccines are developed and what diseases they had already helped eradicate. And then I said, “These vaccines are safe—”

“They’re not!” he said.

Oh, no, here we go, I thought. “Yes, they are—”

“No, they aren’t! [His brother] ended up with a heart problem from the one he got. [His other brother] got the first shot and passed out. His girlfriend thought he was dead.”

The conversation ended shortly after that, with me offering sympathy for what his family had gone through but still saying he should talk with his doctor about getting a booster, and with him still refusing. Given what had been said in our conversations before, it perhaps wasn’t surprising that I thought my friend was anti-science. But the attitude that I approached him with was that I knew better than he did and that I was going to try to save him from himself and his woefully misguided viewpoint, which also endangered others. I assumed things about myself, and I assumed things about him, and my assumptions were that I had good reasons for thinking the way I did—and that he didn’t. I offered him sympathy, but I did not offer him empathy.

I thought about this again when I read Ilana Redstone’s The Certainty Trap: Why We Need to Question Ourselves More—and How We Can Judge Others Less. She writes, “The assumption that the other person is simply ignorant is easy. And it’s a way to avoid a disagreement. What’s more, dismissing someone’s opinion as being the result of not having enough or the right information gives me permission to move on, not really engaging with what they’re saying…. If I think my position is the one anyone would come to with the right information, I am free from having to interrogate or challenge my own thinking.” [1] In other words, we would do well to follow Vincent de Paul’s injunction to “practice humility and patience.” [2] Vincent based his entire community on this principle. He and his followers were well familiar with the idea of needing to fully listen to the people they encountered, both the people they were serving and the people who were their colleagues in service. It was the key to their success—but that doesn’t mean it was easy.

As heirs to Vincent here at DePaul, this principle calls us to approach disagreement with honesty and in good faith, in the sense that we must fully acknowledge both the content and feeling behind an opposing viewpoint. It is both arrogance and an error to dismiss a view we do not hold by attributing it to reasons that serve our own preconceived sense of what is true. We need to engage in dialogue with the assumption that the other person has actual reasons behind what they are saying, reasons that go beyond ignorance or hate. That is what I should have done with my friend. I thought he was ignorant, but he was actually speaking from real life experience. I worried that he was endangering himself and others, yet his motives were quite the opposite.

As I wrote before the 2024 presidential election, studies show that it’s not so much the American people who are polarized as it is their leaders. We hold similar values, but we disagree on how to put them into practice. Or we may choose officials we agree with on some issues without espousing all of their actions and rhetoric. It’s hard to believe that, given what we see in headlines and on television. It is so tempting, especially in these times, to demonize the other side, whoever the “other side” may be. But doing so is destructive. We have to keep talking to each other. Redstone says the way to do this is to articulate a value behind your position. For example, you could say, “I believe all people deserve to live in a safe environment, so I believe migration is a human right.” If you articulate the value (“all people deserve to live in a safe environment”), you avoid using some of the shorthand that gets charged, and you can help people to avoid misunderstanding the value behind your position. The same value in this example could lead to someone holding the opposite position, but if you both articulate the value, you can see where you have some common ground and work from there.

Committing to dialogue doesn’t mean abandoning our own core values. As Redstone writes, it means “learning to recognize when we think some aspect of a heated issue is simple or obvious, and that anyone who sees it differently is ignorant or evil…. Leaving certainty behind doesn’t require anyone to admit to being wrong (maybe you’re not wrong after all). It just means being a little less sure you’re right.” [3]

Reflection Questions

  1. Can you think of a situation in your life when your assumptions about someone else’s beliefs turned out to be wrong? What led you to those assumptions?
  2. Think about a position that is opposite from one you hold. What might be one valid reason (not ignorance or evil) that could lead someone to that view? What would another person be accepting as a fact to come to that conclusion? Would you and that other person agree on the same meaning of vocabulary that is key to the issue?

Reflection by: Miranda Lukatch, Editor, Vincentian Studies Institute

[1] Ilana Redstone, The Certainty Trap: Why We Need to Question Ourselves More—and How We Can Judge Others Less (Pitchstone Publishing, 2024), 79. I highly recommend this book, which has exercises in it to help you challenge your thinking.

[2] Letter 1537, “To A Coadjutor Brother, in the Genoa House,” August 16, 1652, CCD, 4:442. Available online at: https://via.library.depaul.edu/vincentian_ebooks/29/.

[3] Redstone, Certainty Trap, 225.

Mutual Care in Troubling Times

Pradnya Mission and Ministry, Mission Weekly , , , , ,

Updates, resources, and events highlighting the integration of DePaul’s Vincentian mission into the daily life and work of the university community.

 

MISSION MONDAY

Mutual Care in Troubling Times

What did Pope Francis have to say about Vincent de Paul?

READ MORE

 

UPCOMING EVENTS

 

Vinny Games

Join us for our 4th Annual Vinny Games for faculty and staff! Come to The Ray to build community and play games (no athletic ability required!) Make connections and have fun! Food and prizes are included. Feel free to just drop by or stay the entire time. Either way, we hope to see you!

RSVP HERE

Mutual Care in Troubling Times

Pradnya Mission and Ministry, Mission Weekly , , , , ,

Updates, resources, and events highlighting the integration of DePaul’s Vincentian mission into the daily life and work of the university community.

 

MISSION MONDAY

Mutual Care in Troubling Times

What did Pope Francis have to say about Vincent de Paul?

READ MORE

 

UPCOMING EVENTS

 

Vincentian Service Day

This year Vincentian Service Day is Saturday, May 3rd and registration is available on the VSD website. We have over 25 community partners ready to welcome you!

You can register as an individual or as a group for a service site. If you would like to participate in VSD as a group, please check out the Group Registration FAQs on the website for more information about the this registration process. You can also view this video, which provides a step-by-step guide to group registration. You must log in with your DePaul credentials to view the video.

We are excited about the many opportunities to engage in service and hope you will participate! If you have any questions, please email serviceday@depaul.edu and a member of the VSD Team will get back to you. We hope you will participate in this longstanding DePaul tradition!

 

Lunch with Louise

DePaul faculty and staff, please join us for our annual Lunch with Louise honoring the life and legacy of St. Vincent de Paul’s great friend and collaborator, St. Louise de Marillac. This year, we are delighted to have as our featured guests Deans Stephanie Dance-Barnes, Martine Kei Greene-Rogers and Jennifer Mueller, Deans of the College of Science and Health, The Theatre School and the College of Education. We look forward to these university leaders gathering for a spirited dialogue about the challenges and rewards of their jobs as well as sharing how DePaul’s Vincentian mission has helped inform and guide their work at DePaul (and beyond) and their visions for the future. Please join us!

RSVP HERE

 

Vinny Games

Join us for our 4th Annual Vinny Games for faculty and staff! Come to The Ray to build community and play games (no athletic ability required!) Make connections and have fun! Food and prizes are included. Feel free to just drop by or stay the entire time. Either way, we hope to see you!

RSVP HERE

Mutual Care in Troubling Times

Pradnya Mission and Ministry, Mission Monday , , , , ,

Written By: Katie Brick, Executive Assistant, Division of Mission & Ministry

Pope Francis at Vargihna, Brazil.
Photo by Tânia Rêgo/ABr – Agência Brasil, CC BY 3.0 br.

During the Great Recession of 2007–2009, I recall how DePaul adjunct chaplain Maureen Dolan expressed great hope that people would turn toward one another in mutual care, because they had to, given the difficulties being faced. During a scary time, she saw opportunity for people with means to simplify their lives and consumerist habits, share living spaces, and pitch in to support one another in a way that often only happens when we’re forced to do it.

I’m not sure how much has changed, but here we are again facing economic and social volatility. Amid anxiety, I sometimes hear Maureen’s voice in my head, may she rest in peace, asking: What can grow right now? What community can be developed because it has to be developed? How can you take your uncertainty and the pain that is happening in society and humbly contribute to something positive—something that may lead you and others to a much more satisfying way of being?

Maureen’s hopes and questions seem to reflect those of Saint Vincent de Paul. Speaking of loss, he wrote, “If the world takes something from us on the one hand, God will give us something on the other.” [1]

What can we gain from uncertainty, apparent loss, and sometimes forced simplicity? What divine gift might come from this?

With the recent death of Pope Francis, I have reflected on his kinship with Vincent and our university’s Vincentian forebearers in the Vincentian charism. In a 2017 address on the Feast Day of Vincent de Paul, Pope Francis said of Vincent, “He prompts us to live in fraternal communion among ourselves and to go forth courageously in mission to the world. He calls us to free ourselves from complicated language, self-absorbed rhetoric, and attachment to material forms of security. These may seem satisfactory in the short term but they do not grant God’s peace; indeed, they are frequently obstacles to mission.”

I believe that Pope Francis, who admired Vincent de Paul, shared many qualities with him. These included deep faith, great care for the poor and vulnerable, a desire for reform within the Catholic Church, a loving heart, and a simple lifestyle admired by many. Most of all, he had a vision for what the world should be like, coupled with gifts to inspire and exhort people to action. Just hours before he died, Pope Francis asked world leaders to band together, as Maureen asked people to band together, and as Vincent and Louise established communities of service to bring people together. He said, “I appeal to all those in positions of political responsibility in our world not to yield to the logic of fear which only leads to isolation from others, but rather to use the resources available to help the needy, to fight hunger and to encourage initiatives that promote development. These are the ‘weapons’ of peace: weapons that build the future, instead of sowing seeds of death!” [2]

It remains to be seen how our brand new Pope, Leo XIV, will guide the Church and communicate to the world about current times. In his first address after being announced, he called on the Church of Rome to “seek together how to be a missionary Church, a Church that builds bridges, dialogue, always open to welcome…all those who need our presence,” and said he wants the Church to be one that “…always seeks peace, always seeks charity, always strives to be close especially to those who suffer.” These seem to be words of compassion, with an eye to serving those in need, and I am glad of it.

Our mission calls us to mutual care and active concern. People you know, perhaps colleagues or your version of Maureen Dolan—and key Vincentian figures like Vincent, Louise de Marillac, and Frédéric Ozanam, or the recently departed Pope Francis or our new Pope, Leo XIV, ——provide models and heart in a time when we need a new way of being a human community. I am inspired by them when I slow down enough to allow myself to be. As I can all too quickly return to fear and isolation, I depend on them and others to pull me out of self-focus and into having a broader perspective. In turn, I am called to do that for others. It’s an interdependence for which I am extremely grateful, and I am reminded to walk a path that can get obscured in the chaos of modern life, but which is supremely important.

Reflection Questions

  1. Who is someone you admire, who can inspire you during difficult times to make a difference and consider changes that benefit others as well as yourself?
  2. Can you think back to a difficult time and name a gift that emerged from it? How might this experience act as a touchstone for you to bear difficulties in the present?

Reflection by: Katie Brick, Executive Assistant, Division of Mission & Ministry

[1] Letter 2752, “To Monsieur Desbordes, Counselor in the Parlement,” December 21, 1658, CCD, 7:424. Available online at: https://via.library.depaul.edu/vincentian_ebooks/32/.

[2] Francis, “Urbi et Orbi,” April 20, 2025. Available online at: https://www.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/messages/urbi/documents/20250420-urbi-et-orbi-pasqua.html.

The Good Life

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Written By: Tom Judge, Chaplain, Faculty and Staff Engagement, Division of Mission and Ministry

This winter I’ve been doing some travelling, spending a lot of time behind the wheel. Usually when I find myself with long stretches in the car, I like to listen to a little music. My choices, not surprisingly, are most often songs from an artist or group I like or that have a fun memory associated with them, basically, tunes that make me feel good. But every once in a while, instead of listening to music, I feel the urge to try and improve my character. I had one of those aspirational moments on a recent Saturday while I was driving through the hills of western Pennsylvania. And, so, instead of cranking up The Greatest Hits of the ’80s, I googled a list of the most popular TED Talks ever, scanned the titles, and picked one that sounded as if it could be edifying.

The talk is called “What Makes a Good Life? Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness.” [1] It’s about a research study from Harvard University that examines adult human development and has been taking place continuously over a span of more than eighty-five years. The study began in the late 1930s and followed 724 teenage males from the university and various, mostly lower socioeconomic, Boston neighborhoods. Every few years, researchers contacted their subjects, asked detailed questions about their lives, accessed their medical records, and even took DNA samples to amass a wealth of data on human health, success, and satisfaction. From all of this varied and complex information, one very clear finding stands out: good relationships are the largest single contributor to a happy and fulfilling life. As much as money, status, talent, or accomplishments may enhance our lives, give us pleasure, or help us meet our needs, according to the study, they do not impact our basic sense of joy and contentment as much as the quality of our connections with other human beings.

As I reflect on this TED Talk, with its simple, profound message, I sense a deep resonance between the results of the Harvard study and the lessons of our Vincentian heritage. Strong and loving relationships have always been at the heart of the mission Vincent and Louise began four centuries ago. From the forming of early communities to the carrying out of ministries to the poor, a premium was always placed on relating to the other as a true friend—with respect, gentleness, and charity—whether the other is a person one lives and works with, or a person one is in a position to serve. [2] The life-shaping importance of good relationships is wisdom made real for us from two distinct sources: a highly regarded study out of our nation’s oldest university, and the time-honored mission that guides our nation’s largest Catholic university. Different as these origins are, the essence of their lesson is the same: good relationships—true human connections—are the foundation of a happy and satisfying life.

What does that lesson mean for us today and how might we use this wisdom going forward? It seems to me that in 2025, DePaul is an energetic, life-giving, and ambitious university, albeit with plenty of challenges, existing in a world that has many reasons for hope amid distressing possibilities. Given these realities, there appears to be an acute need for us as individuals, as well as a community, to prioritize the fostering of good relationships in our lives and within our university. Zealously continuing to nurture DePaul as a place where true friendships and feelings of connectedness thrive will not only help us live out the spirit of our Vincentian mission, it will also provide the essential element of a happy life to all those who call DePaul home.

Reflection Questions:

  1. How would you describe the state of the relationships in your life? Would you like to develop new, meaningful relationships or renew older, more established ones? If so, what can you do to set this in motion? It is never too late!
  2. What can you, your department, or the university as a whole do to cultivate meaningful connections and life-giving relationships at DePaul? If you have an idea you would like to share, consider reaching out to someone on the Faculty and Staff Engagement team from the Division of Mission and Ministry. You may also contact Staff Council or Faculty Council.

Reflection by: Tom Judge, Chaplain, Faculty and Staff Engagement, Division of Mission and Ministry

[1] Robert Waldinger, “What Makes a Good Life? Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness,” TED Talk, November 2015, 12 min., 31 sec. https://www.ted.com/talks/‌robert_waldinger_‌what_makes_‌a_good_life_‌lessons_‌from_the_longest_study_on_happiness/transcript?referrer=playlist-the_most_‌popular_ted_‌talks_‌of_all_time&autoplay=true. See also Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz, The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2023).

[2] For a recent Mission Monday reflection on the importance of friendship to our early Vincentian forebears, see Miranda Lukatch, “The Vincentian Roots of Friendship,” The Way of Wisdom (blog), February 10, 2025, https://‌blogs.‌depaul.edu/dmm/2025/02/07/the-vincentian-roots-of-friendship/.

The Vincentian Roots of Friendship

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Written By: Miranda Lukatch, Editor, Vincentian Studies Institute

What do Vincent de Paul, Louise de Marillac, Elizabeth Seton, and Frédéric Ozanam have in common? Some answers are obvious: they loved God deeply, they shared a mission, and they accomplished enormous good for the poor. But they shared commonalities not only in what they did but how they did it. All these dynamic Vincentian figures relied on the power of friendship. This could take a practical form, such as networking to found and support their organizations. But they also relied on it to fulfill personal needs—to mature their outlooks and nurture the incredible amount of spirit it took to accomplish their goals. Much of what we know about these figures comes from the letters they wrote, and, especially in Elizabeth’s and Frédéric’s cases, many of these were to their friends. [1] Therefore, it seems fitting that before Valentine’s Day, which many countries now celebrate as a friendship day, we consider the role of friendship in our Vincentian heritage, our DePaul community, and in our own daily lives.

Let’s put the importance of friendship within our own cultural context—both in broader American culture and in the culture that exists at DePaul. Back in 2023, the US surgeon general made headlines when he declared loneliness a public health epidemic. In early 2024, a poll from the American Psychiatric Association found that “30% of adults [said] they have experienced feelings of loneliness at least once a week over the past year, while 10% [said] they are lonely every day. Younger people were more likely to experience these feelings, with 30% of Americans aged 18–34 saying they were lonely every day or several times a week.” [2] Considering the student population DePaul serves, these are essential statistics. A significant benefit of being a college graduate is an increased likelihood of having more friends, which provides cascading advantages over a lifetime. [3] This is a benefit we hope our students will derive from their time in our community. But forming and maintaining friendships in adulthood is so difficult that a specific branch of therapy, friendship therapy, has recently been created to address this need. Whole books are being written on how to make friendships work, and the New York Times even has a “friendship correspondent.” (That’s Anna Goldfarb, who has written an excellent book called Modern Friendship.)

Given the importance and difficulty of cultivating friendships, what can we learn from the Vincentian figures who excelled at this? They teach us that we should accept difficulty; just because their friendships were powerful doesn’t mean that they were easy to develop or maintain. When Louise first met Vincent, she felt accepting him as her spiritual director would be “repugnant.” Vincent did not want to be anyone’s director, and a curious two-year gap in an otherwise voluminous correspondence between them has led more than one scholar to believe there was a period of “coolness” in their relationship. [4] I highly recommend reading the published collections of the letters of the four Vincentian personages, which DePaul has made available online. [5] They show how affection within their relationships grew. There are two major threads running through all of them. First, these friendships were grounded not just in common interests but in a deep and common love (of God and of the poor) that was carried out in common enterprises. Second, the letters are supreme demonstrations of simplicity. Simplicity in the Vincentian sense usually means cultivating a deep sincerity, expressing a total alignment of our values, words, and behavior. But I think it could be extended to mean something else: profound openness about thoughts and feelings, in the sense of our internal states, in the sense of our affections, and in the sense of accepting the thoughts and feelings of others. Author and scholar Brené Brown has observed that the word courage “originally meant ‘to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.’” [6] This is what we see happening in the lives and letters of our Vincentian forebears. They had the courage to practice simplicity.

So, Vincentian wisdom shows us that the best friendships are based on shared values and what might be called applied simplicity. We at DePaul have a particularly promising chance to strengthen relationships with those around us based on this wisdom. We are a community “gathered together for the sake of a mission,” so we know it is likely that others here share at least some of our deepest values. And if we practice simplicity, if we have the courage to make first moves and to be (appropriately) persistent, if we are open about what is in our hearts, then in time we can build the same types of friendships that sustained our Vincentian exemplars.

Reflection Questions:

  1. Who are the people who seem the likeliest partners in friendships for you? Are these people you need to reach out to, or are they people you already know? Where are the existing opportunities to deepen these relationships, and what are some ways you can create more?
  2. How have your friendships with colleagues at DePaul inspired and nurtured you? Is there anything you would like to accomplish as a joint effort with your friends?

Reflection by: Miranda Lukatch, Editor, Vincentian Studies Institute

[1] Numerous articles have been written on the role of friendship in these Vincentians’ lives. In addition to those cited in other footnotes in this article, some of the best are Margaret J. Kelly, D.C., “The Relationship of Saint Vincent and Saint Louise from Her Perspective,” Vincentian Heritage 11:1 (1990): 77–114. Available at: https://via.library.depaul.edu/vhj/vol11/iss1/6; Wendy M. Wright, “Elizabeth Ann Bayley Seton and the Art of Embodied Presence,” Vincentian Heritage 18:2 (1997): 249–60. Available at: https://via.library.depaul.edu/vhj/vol18/iss2/9; Judith Metz, S.C., “The Key Role of Friendship in the Life of Elizabeth Bayley Seton,” Vincentian Heritage 29:1 (2009): 8–23. Available at: https://‌‌via.library.depaul.edu/vhj/vol29/iss1/2; and Frederick J. Easterly, C.M., “Frédérick Ozanam, A Layman For Now,” Vincentian Heritage 4:2 (1983): 140–71. Available at: https://via.library.depaul.edu/vhj/vol4/iss2/4. If you visit Vincentian Heritage’s website at https://via.library.depaul.edu/vhj/, use “friend” as a search term to get results for many more.

[2] American Psychiatric Association, “New APA Poll: One in Three Americans Feels Lonely Every Week,” January 30, 2024, https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/news-releases/new-apa-poll-one-in-three-americans-feels-lonely-e.

[3] Daniel A. Cox, “The College Connection: The Education Divide in American Social and Community Life,” Survey Center on American Life, December 13, 2021, https://‌www.americansurveycenter.org/research/the-college-connection-the-education-divide-in-american-social-and-community-life/.

[4] There’s some ambiguity about whether Louise mentions this repugnance specifically about Vincent as a person or just about changing directors in general. Louise de Marillac, document A.2, “Light,” n.d., Spiritual Writings, 1. Available online at: https://via.library.depaul.edu/ldm/; Hugh O’Donnell, C.M., “The Relationship of Saint Vincent and Saint Louise from His Perspective: A Personal and Theological Inquiry,” Vincentian Heritage 11:1 (1990): 62. Available at: https://via.library.depaul.edu/vhj/vol11/iss1/5; Loretto Gettemeir, D.C., “Louise: A Life in Her Own Words,” Vincentian Heritage 12:2 (1991): 111. Available at: https://via.library.depaul.edu/vhj/vol12/iss2/2/; see also O’Donnell, “Relationship of Saint Vincent and Saint Louise from His Perspective,” 69.

[5] For Vincent’s letters, see: https://via.library.depaul.edu/coste_en/. For Louise’s, see: https://via.library.depaul.edu/ldmlcd/. For Elizabeth’s, see: https://via.library.depaul.edu/seton_lcd/, and for Frédéric’s, see: https://via.library.depaul.edu/ozanam_law/.

[6] Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are (Hazelden, 2010), 12.

Wrestling with God

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Exactly eighteen years ago, on this day, December 9th, I became the first woman in my family to chant publicly from the Torah. I still remember the opening words like a catchy song.

In Vayishlach, the Torah portion for this week, there are two brothers—twins—Jacob and Esau, who never really get along. One is smooth, one is hairy. One is scheming, one is brusque. In fact, they wrestle together in the womb. Jacob tricks his nearly blind father into giving him the blessing that belongs to Esau as the firstborn. The brothers’ relationship is a disaster from the get-go.

Jacob eventually settles in Canaan, with status, material wealth, and many offspring. Perhaps out of fear, perhaps because he truly misses his brother (the Torah often lets us infer emotional subtext), Jacob invites Esau to reconcile with him. The night before Esau’s arrival, Jacob finds himself alone, wrestling with an angel.

Hold up. Wrestling with an angel?

Was he hallucinating? Was he having a bad case of sleep paralysis?

In the Torah, it says that Jacob came panim-el-panim (Hebrew for “face-to-face”) with God.

What does it mean to come face-to-face with God? When was the last time you felt God’s presence? Was it during a moment of tranquility, connection, solitude, despair? Do you ever wrestle with God? Perhaps with the concept of God itself?

There are, of course, many interpretations, from rabbis and scholars, about what Jacob endured that night. But here’s mine: Jacob, alone in the dark, finally faces himself. He wrestles with his conscience. He admits to himself that he has, in some way, wronged his brother.

One of the Vincentian values we espouse at DePaul is humility. And not just humility when it comes to our successes or material possessions, but humility in the context of our personal and communal relationships. Saint Vincent de Paul writes, “You must ask God to give you power to fight against the sin of pride which is your greatest enemy—the root of all that is evil, and the failure of all that is good.”[1]

“Sin” and “failure” are charged words that don’t always sit well with me. But Saint Vincent had a good point. Holding onto our pride—nursing past resentments, harboring the belief that we are always right—detracts from our ability to empathize and see the humanity in those who hold different perspectives from us.

It’s a vicious cycle: when we can’t see the humanity in others, it’s hard for others to see the humanity in us.

The morning after Jacob wrestles with God, Esau approaches him in the desert, and, in an unexpected turn of events, forgives him. The brothers fall into one another’s arms, weeping. In a deep act of humility, Esau declines the many gifts Jacob offers him, but Jacob insists, telling his brother that seeing his face is like “seeing the face of God.”[2]

Panim-el-panim. Face-to-face. We can only really glimpse the divine in others when we come face-to-face with ourselves. Because we only exist in relationship. Never alone. And there are always angels.

Reflection Questions

  1. When was the last time you came face-to-face with someone who deeply disagreed with you?
  2. When was the last time you came face-to-face with yourself?

Reflection by: Kayla Schneider-Smith, Assistant Director, Religious Diversity & Pastoral Care and Jewish Life Chaplain

 

[1] “St. Vincent de Paul—You Must Ask God to Give You Power to Fight Against the Sin of Pride,” Catholic Digest Magazine, 14 October 2021, https://www.catholicdigest.com/from-the-magazine/quiet-moment/‌st vincent-depaul-you-must ask-god-to-give-you-power-to-fight-against-the-sin-of-pride/.

[2] Genesis 33:10, The Contemporary Torah (Jewish Publication Society, 2006), https://‌www.‌sefaria.‌org/‌Genesis.33.11?lang=bi&aliyot=0.

The Dignity of Help

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Written by: Miranda Lukatch, Editor, Vincentian Studies Institute

Photograph by Akhil Nath.

Our mission here at DePaul focuses on helping others, especially those who have been historically underserved—the poor and the marginalized. It’s a wonderful mission, a noble mission. But I wonder how many of us also need help, and if we do, whether we are able to ask for it. Our own situations may not be as serious as those our mission calls us to aid, and we may not need advocacy or material support. But it’s likely that we need other things—assistance with work projects, perhaps, or, in our personal lives, help with caregiving, or managing burnout, depression, or grief. “Let me know how I can help,” we say when others are in trouble. But when we’re on the receiving end of such offers, we often don’t take people up on them.

In her book The Gifts of Imperfection, professor and social worker Brené Brown writes, “One of the greatest barriers to connection is the cultural importance we place on ‘going it alone.’ Somehow we’ve come to equate success with not needing anyone.” She continues, “Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.” Brown argues that it’s a mistake to “deriv[e] self-worth from never needing help and always offering it.” [1]

In reading Brown’s words, I was struck by how well they connect with the philosophy of the Society of Saint Vincent de Paul. Its founder, Frédéric Ozanam, once said that help “humiliates when there is no reciprocity” and “becomes honorable because it may become mutual.” [2] Ozanam and Brown argue that help has a spiritual value beyond what is provided by immediate assistance. It allows people to connect with each other (and, Ozanam would say, with God) in a profound and meaningful way. Because of this, there is as much dignity in asking for help as there is in receiving it. It’s a lesson that runs counter to our cultural expectations, but it’s an important one to remember and internalize. The next time we may be feeling overwhelmed or alone, we should consider how we might challenge ourselves to more readily ask for help.

Reflection Questions:

Is there anything that you need help with? Whom could you ask for help, and how do you think they might respond?

Can you think of situations in the past where someone has asked you for help? How did you feel about the request? Did it make you feel more connected to that person?

Reflection by: Miranda Lukatch, Editor, Vincentian Studies Institute

[1] Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are (Hazelden, 2010), 20.

[2] Quoted in Raymond L. Sickinger, “Frédéric Ozanam: Systemic Thinking, and Systemic Change,” Vincentian Heritage 32:1 (2014): n.p. Available online at: https://via.library.depaul.edu/vhj/vol32/iss1/4/.

Beyond Polarization: Seeing the God in All of Us

Pradnya Mission and Ministry, Mission Monday , , , ,

I am writing this reflection in September 2024, well before Election Day, but still in the thick of American political passion. Regardless of the election’s outcome, it’s unlikely that the result will end the sense of overall polarization in our country caused by a myriad of issues, polarization that has been evident even in our own DePaul community over the past year. No matter which candidate people support, it sometimes seems difficult to believe that those who support the opposing candidate might share a similar sense of justice or morality. And yet this very feeling makes it all the more important for us to believe that they do. But why is this?

One reason is because it seems to be true. In an article for Time, journalist Karl Vick reports the results of several studies of American attitudes and how those translate into politics. He writes that in January 2021, a study surveying 2,000 people across the political spectrum asked them to consider fifty-five separate goals that the nation should have, and to rank them according to what was important to them personally and according to how important they believed other people thought they were. The results were surprising. For instance, the goal to “successfully address climate change,” was the third highest priority for the survey participants themselves, but these respondents ranked it thirty-third in their perception of its importance for other people. As Vick writes, “no one thought their fellow Americans saw climate as the high-priority item nearly everyone actually considered it to be.” This study, the American Aspirations Index, “found ‘stunning agreement’ on national goals across every segment of the U.S. population, including, to a significant extent, among those who voted for Donald Trump and those who voted for Joe Biden.” The polarization we have been hearing about on the news is something one scholar calls “learned divisiveness,” which is almost a self-fulfilling prophecy: people believe there’s more division than actually exists, and that, in turn, fuels further division. We would do well to keep this in mind before we vilify those who we believe think differently from us. [1]

Goodness transcends opposing viewpoints; justice is more than politics. We don’t have to look far into our Vincentian heritage to find reinforcement for this lesson. For example, Frédéric Ozanam, the key founder of the Society of Saint Vincent de Paul, knew it well. The nineteenth-century France he lived in was also bitterly divided into partisan groups. But he never lost sight of what this conflict was really about. He wrote:

“For, if the question which disturbs the world around us today is neither a question of political modalities, but a social question; if it is the struggle between those who have nothing and those who have too much … our duty to ourselves as Christians is to throw ourselves between these two irreconcilable enemies … to make equality as operative as is possible among men; to make voluntary community replace imposition and brute force; to make charity accomplish what justice alone cannot do.” [2]

If we are to work together to better our society, we must be prepared to approach each other with tolerance, at least. Vincent de Paul would go one step further: he would have us approach one another with love, looking for the goodness—and, indeed, the God—that exists in all of us. As he once said, “I have to love my neighbor as the image of God and the object of His Love.” [3] He pointed out that it’s easy to show respect to people we love and who think like us. But he asked,

“Have we felt less esteem and affection for certain persons? Do we not, from time to time, allow thoughts of this more or less? If that’s the case, we don’t have that charity which dismisses the first feelings of contempt and the seed of aversion; for, if we had that divine virtue, which is a participation of the Sun of Justice, it would dispel the mists of our corruption and make us see what’s good and beautiful in our neighbor in order to honor and cherish him for them.” [4]

So, as our future unfolds, let us follow one more of Vincent’s injunctions and “continue to offer one another to God and to love each other in Our Lord, as He has loved us.” [5]

Reflection Questions:

Has the polarization that seemingly permeates our society affected your view of others? How so? What are some ways you could look for the good in those with opposing viewpoints?

Reflection by: Miranda Lukatch, Editor, Vincentian Studies Institute

[1] All quotations in this paragraph are taken from Karl Vick, “The Growing Evidence That Americans Are Less Divided Than You May Think,” Time, July 2, 2024, https://time.com/6990721/us-politics-polarization-myth.

[2] Quoted in Craig B. Mousin, “Frédéric Ozanam―Beneficent Deserter: Mediating the Chasm of Income Inequality through Liberty, Equality, and Fraternity,” Vincentian Heritage 30:1 (2010): 62. Available online at: https://via.library.depaul.edu/vhj/vol30/iss1/4/.

[3] Conference 207, “Charity (Common Rules, Chap. 2, Art. 12),” May 30, 1659, CCD, 12:217. Available online at: https://via.library.depaul.edu/vincentian_ebooks/36/.

[4] Ibid.

[5] Letter 1663, “To Nicolas Guillot, in Warsaw,” October 10, 1653, CCD, 5:28. Available online at: https://via.library.depaul.edu/vincentian_ebooks/30/.