gratitude

Gratitude, Self-Acceptance, and the Unapologetic Cringe of Tumblr

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“Every day of life more and more increases my gratitude to Him for having made me what I am.”[1]
– Elizabeth Ann Seton

What do cringe, gratitude, and Vincentian service have to do with one another? And how can we apply it to our own vibrant community here at DePaul? Let’s find out.

First, let’s dive into this first quote from Elizabeth Ann Seton, founder of the American Sisters of Charity, modeled after the Daughters of Charity: “Every day of life more and more increases my gratitude to Him for having made me what I am.” We can read this statement in any number of ways: gratitude for simply being alive, appreciation for her privilege and station, thankfulness for gifting her with certain talents and capabilities, or even endowing her with a particular personality and passion. Perhaps the most Vincentian thing to do would be to take an “all of the above” approach: an appreciation of the whole person, of all that she is, and can be. This might sound a little conceited (thanks for making me so incredible!), but I think it points more towards an inspiring model of self-acceptance. Seton, who is pointedly aware of her own shortcomings, still accepts herself as she is—oddities, weaknesses, talents, and all—and is grateful to be herself.

Which brings us to the concept of cringe and unapologetic self-acceptance. As bit of backstory, the social media landscape has been … going through a bit of transformational collapse. We need not go into every sordid detail, but the memes have been hilarious even as the demise of Twitter has been bittersweet (with a heavy dose of Schadenfreude). Many are looking for a new social media home with no real viable candidates. It’s into this gulf that Tumblr, which never really went away, has emerged its cringy head.

The blog site, home to niche fandoms and a quirky sensibility, has found a resurgence. If Twitter is (was?) the land of hot political takes by ‘professional’ journalists and pseudo-intellectuals, Tumblr is currently where users are, en masse, deciding to make up a fake 1970’s Martin Scorsese movie that they have all pretended to see (which again, doesn’t exist), and then arguing about it. They’ve even created a fake trailer. It’s a weird place. But at its best it’s a place where people are unapologetically themselves and embody a kind of self-acceptance modeled in that Seton quote. There’s power in that: a community that not only recognizes but celebrates each other’s delightful individuality and quirks. It’s also very Vincentian: a recognition and celebration of each person’s sacred dignity.

But why bring up Tumblr, cringe, and unapologetic weirdness in a post about gratitude? How does this have any bearing on our own DePaul community and mission? There are many different things that might make us cringe, but usually they say more about ourselves (and our lack of self-acceptance) than the object of our embarrassment. By accepting ourselves—most especially the cringiest aspects of ourselves—and being grateful for the way we are and can be as whole people, we can accept others and flourish as a community. Vincent de Paul was no stranger to this: his lifelong partner in service, Louise de Marillac, found him utterly repugnant upon first meeting him! But they were able to work their way through these differences and we are still living out their mission today, four hundred years later.

This brings us to a final quote from Louise de Marillac herself: “I hope that your gratitude will place you in the disposition necessary to receive the graces you need to serve your sick poor in a spirit of gentleness and great compassion.”[2] Ultimately, our gratitude and self-acceptance should be directed outwards, in compassion, and in pursuit of the mission. Let’s celebrate our community’s own idiosyncrasies and be grateful for the wonderful diversity of personalities and passions.

Reflection by: Alex Perry, Division of Mission & Ministry

[1] 7.98, Draft to Mrs. William Raborg, [June 1817], Elizabeth Bayley Seton: Collected Writings, 2:488, at: https://via.library.depaul.edu/vincentian_ebooks/11/.

[2] L.383, To My Very Dear Sister Anne Hardemont, November 13 (1653), Spiritual Writings of Louise de Marillac, 434, at: https://via.library.depaul.edu/ldm/.

Do You Feel Lucky to Be at DePaul?

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“No words can express my gratitude for the many benefits and favors we constantly receive…”

– Saint Vincent de Paul[1]

Recently, I enjoyed gathering with a group of newly arrived DePaul international students. Over lunch at the Student Center in Lincoln Park, we chatted about various things like their impressions of American food, the changeable weather in Chicago, and the best ways to get to the Loop Campus. I asked them what they planned to study, and they asked me about my role at the university. At a certain point in the conversation, I paused and then asked each of them what I hoped was not too personal a question: how do you feel about being at DePaul University? It seemed to me they took a moment before responding, but when they did, all gave the exact same answer. They felt lucky.

I don’t know what I expected them to answer, but I did not expect that. I then asked why they felt lucky, and a range of responses came pouring out: their residence hall rooms are beautiful; the people are so nice; all of their friends from home would like to study in the United States; and, they will have so many opportunities as a result of being here. As they shared their reasons, I could not help joining in their spirit and feeling excited for them.

That conversation has stayed with me. Especially the part about feeling lucky. Since that chat, I turned the tables and asked myself the very question I asked the students. How do I feel about being at DePaul? Do I, too, feel lucky to be here? Whatever responses I come up with usually resemble something like a math equation with variables and constants, factors and expressions, positives, and negatives. Yet the result is always the same. Yes, I do. I do feel lucky to be here.

I am conscious I have privileges others do not have. I am aware DePaul’s path has not been entirely smooth and more bumps surely lie ahead. I know that neither I, nor this place, are perfect.[2] I am also mindful that work must be done to build bridges between faculty, staff, students, and other stakeholders so that DePaul will have a more just and sustainable future. But, overall, when I consider my job, the people who make up our community, and the mission and purpose of DePaul, I feel grateful. And, like those students, I feel something I might even call “lucky,” or hopeful, or maybe it’s simply faith in the future.

How do you feel about being at DePaul? What are things that make you feel grateful to be here? How might you be able to share these with others?

Reflection by: Tom Judge, Assistant Director and Chaplain, Faculty and Staff Engagement, Division of Mission and Ministry

[1] Letter 1787, “To Étienne Blatiron, Superior, in Genoa,” 23 October 1654, CCD, 5:205. Available at: https://via.library.depaul.edu/vincentian_ebooks/30/.

[2] As Vincent de Paul said, “Wherever we go, we always take ourselves and our imperfections with us.”Letter 2123, “To Brother Pierre Leclerc, in Agen,” 1656, CCD, 6:69. Available at: https://via.library.depaul.edu/vincentian_ebooks/31/.

One Habit with Many Benefits

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Our patron saint, Vincent de Paul, often spoke of cultivating virtues. He believed virtues develop in us through regular and habitual actions. Vincent’s understanding corresponds to an often-quoted piece of popular wisdom that it is easier to walk your way into a new way of thinking than to think your way into a new way of walking. Vincent clearly had a bias for action. It is not what you think but what you do that is ultimately the most meaningful and consequential.

In light of this, consider the virtue of gratitude. The regular practice of gratitude has been shown to improve physical health, empathy, self-esteem, sleep, psychological health, mental strength, and help you build social connections.1 Better yet, even if you are a person who struggles to feel or express gratitude easily and freely, it is a habit that can be learned and cultivated with practice at any age.

Cultivating gratitude requires the humility to acknowledge that many of the gifts and opportunities in our lives have come to us through others: those who currently grace our lives, as well those who came before us. It may be true that we have worked extremely hard and overcome a lot to get where we are. We can certainly feel proud of our accomplishments. Yet, such pride is not gratitude. We discover and develop gratitude when we humbly recognize the blessings in our lives that make clear our dependence or interdependence on others, or on a divine source beyond us all. Perhaps such gratitude is found when experiencing the natural beauty of the earth, the wonder of the sun and the stars, the generosity of others, or the beautiful uniqueness of a newborn child. For such gifts, we stand in awe and gratitude.

However, this recognition is only part of the process. Taking time to savor our experience of gratitude lights up the brain and warms the heart with positive physical and psychological effects. The full benefit only comes when we communicate our gratitude to those who made these gifts possible. Whether doing so verbally, in writing, or in physical acts of expressing thanks to others, the full power and positive impact of gratitude is realized.

From his religious worldview, Vincent de Paul understood that God is the giver of all gifts, which flow abundantly from a generous love and goodness, and a self-gift made known in the person of Jesus. Vincent expressed the desire “that God may give us the spirit of profound gratitude for so many benefits bestowed on us.…”2

As we approach this Thanksgiving season, may we be filled with gratitude for the gifts we have received, so that we, too, might become a gift for others.

Action:           

Take a moment to ponder or hold in your heart one person or one recent experience for whom or for which you are especially grateful today. How does it feel to remember this gift? Is there anything about what you have received that can be passed on and shared with someone else? If so, do it today!

1) A summary of research on various positive impacts of the practice of gratitude can be found here: 7 Scientifically Proven Benefits of Gratitude

2) Letter 1705, To Charles Ozenne, Superior, In Warsaw, 13 February 1654, CCD, 5:81.

Reflection by:             Mark Laboe, Associate VP, Division of Mission and Ministry