reflection

Remembrance

bcicirel Seeds of Mission, Spirituality

9-11

Those of us who remember 9/11 have our stories.  I drove back to Chicago from Utah in a rental car a few days after the towers fell and flights were impossible to get.  As I listened to radio stations across the country, by and large the messages scared me and I feared for friends who were Muslim.  I learned of a prayer service being held not too far from my path and drove to a small country church in Nebraska to celebrate a moment of prayer and try to make sense of what happened. I was surrounded by a community in a strange town without the company of a single person I knew and it was feeling surreal.  I guess 9/11 felt surreal to many of us.  Later I pulled into a rest stop in Iowa for a national moment of prayer.  No one in the fast food line seemed to be taking a pause, but when I left the building to get back on the road I found a small group of young people huddled around a flickering candle on the pavement. There in the twilight we, mostly strangers, prayed together for peace and I felt connected for the first time in days.

Since 2001 I have been called on many times as a Chaplain to lead 9/11 prayers.  I am a person who knows two young people, former co-workers, who were at the World Trade Center and heard the stories of how their families frantically searched for them and eventually came to mourn for them.  I am a citizen of a country who responded to an extreme act of violence with what appears to be misinformed war that continues to feed more violence, when I had hoped we could choose another way. I have ambivalence about 9/11 – not as a day of remembrance, but for what we are called to remember. I think we are called to acknowledge loss, to be reminded that we need to care for one another and indeed to know one another across difference. For those of us who are religious we can remember that God is operative in this world and should be called upon, and that we are called upon to serve our fellow humans and contribute to peace and not terror in practical ways.  People from around the world, from a myriad of cultures and ethnicities and races and religions and classes died in the 9/11 attack so an “America will stand strong against the world” rhetoric seems misguided to me– though I can see why it’s a comfort to many.

Today I think about Darya and Suzanne and the 2,975 others who died September 11th and the people who loved them and are grieving all over again: may they find comfort.  I think about our diverse nation on this day and how we respond to global violence:  I pray for peace.  I think about those who are so desperate that violence becomes a tool – people in my city, my country, my world and I wonder how I am called to respond.

This evening, on the lawn in front of St. Vincent de Paul Church on Webster Ave. at 6:00 pm, the DePaul community will be praying at a candlelight vigil for those who suffer from gun violence. It’s not a 9/11 gathering per se, but it’s a small but important thing to do. I plan to bring my pre-school kids and so this moment of prayer tonight will be our 9/11 remembrance this year.  What are you doing to remember this day in a meaningful way?

What are your stories?

Katie Brick serves at DePaul as Director of the Office of Religious Diversity. She also invites you to a DePaul Prayer for Peace to be held in the Lincoln Park Quad on Monday, September 22, at 6:00p.m.

#ReadPrayAct

bcicirel Seeds of Mission, Spirituality , , , , , ,

ferguson

This past weekend I was on a road trip with my wife back to our home town of Edmond, Oklahoma. As we drove the 12 hours cross-country to reach our destination, we passed through many different towns and cities. About 4 hours outside of Chicago we started to drive toward St. Louis. As we saw signs for SL and its surrounding suburbs my mother called to make sure I was safe.

“Safe?” I thought, “That is a strange thing for her to say.” Why would she be concerned for my safety when driving through a place like Missouri? Nothing ever seems to happen there.

Then the name “Ferguson” flashed through my mind. I recalled the news stories, the social media posts. I thought of the news clips and images of police in full riot gear and armored vehicles roaming the streets of this small American town. I quickly took out my phone and asked my wife to look up the location of Ferguson MO.

“It’s on the other side of the state” I thought to myself.  “It won’t have anything to do with me, or my short amount of time spent here in Missouri.”  But lo and behold, Ferguson was fifteen minutes from our current location, just north of the city.

We see things on the news. We hear things on the radio. We engage with posts on facebook and twitter. We know about the world around us and events within an instant of their occurrence, but how often do we stop and think about its true effect on our lives?

The Middle East is so far away, how would anything going on there really have anything to do with us? Ebola virus, doesn’t that come from another continent? Darfur, Syria. How can I, living in my own little reality here in Chicago, have any connection with these events?

Herman Melville once said “We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men…”   But finding those fibers can be difficult at times. Sometimes it is realizing your location in regards to an event that opens the door. Ferguson is not far away. The people affected by this are not in a distant land, separated by oceans and mountains. These are my neighbors. These are our brothers and sisters and they are mothers and children who live only a small drive away. Who live next door.  Unjust treatment of African Americans is happening all over America.  All over my city.  To my co-workers and to people living on my block.

One of the things I do to bond, to strengthen the fibers that link me with my fellow man, is educate myself. If you know about what is going on, then I think you start to care. So I say find ways to educate yourself about issues that concern you. Take the time to do your own research and don’t take for granted what one sources tell you – you have to shop around for the truth.

Secondly, I pray.

A rabbi once told me that Prayer is like clapping along to a song. It might not change the song itself. It does not fix the chorus you don’t like, or change the words, or alter the notes, but it allows you to actively engage with the song. When you clap, you are an active participant in the music, you engage on a personal level.

When we pray, we show that we are active participants in the world around us. We show ourselves that empathy and thought are crucial to how we see the world. Even if our prayers might not directly affect the outcome of a situation, we are there in spirit. We are joining the greatly collective of humanity that is hoping for peace and love in this world.

When I read, I understand.  And when I pray, I empathize. Knowledge and empathy are the first steps to action. In writing this blog I am wondering where knowledge and empathy of the events of Ferguson and all over the nation can take me. I feel the need to act.  How about you? Maybe knowledge and empathy will inspire you to sign a petition, join a march, call your legislators or share your knowledge with others. What to do and how to change the world we live in are up to us.

Matthew Charnay serves as DePaul’s Coordinator for Jewish Life.

O Captain! – Reflections on the Death of Robin Williams

bcicirel Seeds of Mission, Spirituality , , , , , ,

robin Williams

In the days since the news of Robin William’s death rocked Hollywood and the world I have been drawn back to some of my favorite scenes from his movies. I have found myself smiling and laughing again at the absurdity of Mrs. Doubtfire dousing out a fire as her sumptuous bosom went up in flames, of Genie flowing out of a magic lamp with a crick in his neck.

Robin Williams was a truly talented man who brought life and voice to hundreds of characters that have delighted and moved us. But nothing is quite as moving as the way in which this amazing man died. In the midst of a life dedicated to bringing humor and laughter to the world, we are told that Robin Williams was not able to find reasons to smile in his own life. His struggles with depression and the sadness that must have surely crept into his soul caused him to find solace only by ending it all.

It is in this final act of Robin William’s life that he speaks most poignantly to us. He is not speaking with a foreign accent or ranting as a comic mad man. His words are not coming as he prances around on stage or flies through Neverland. Instead, his voice comes to us quietly and in the chambers of our souls.

In the whisper of his death, Robin is imploring each of us to be attentive to the difficulties and realities of mental health issues. He is inviting us to attend to our own suffering or the suffering of those around us and to seek help. We cannot pretend that struggles with depression, substance abuse or other debilitating diseases of the mind and soul will simply fly away on a magic carpet. Instead, Robin Williams reminds us that we need to take mental health issues seriously and be very proactive in dealing with the many forms of pain and suffering that haunt so many.

In one of the final moments of the movie Dead Poets Society in which Williams played the enthusiastic literature teacher John Keating, Williams picks up a book that belonged to his student who had taken his own life. Williams opens the book and sorrowfully reads a quote from David Henry Thoreau:

    I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberatively.
    I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life!
    To put to name all that was not life.
    And not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.

In his death, Robin Williams reminds us to live deliberatively and to suck out all the marrow of life. That can only happen if we are in a place where life doesn’t feel constantly overwhelming.

If you or a friend or family member are struggling, please know that you are not alone. There are many who have walked in your shoes or accompanied someone through tough times. If you want to reach out to someone who can help, here are links to a few resources (click on them):

DePaul University Counseling Services
Veterans Crisis Line
National Suicide Hotline
National Helpline ( for individuals and families facing mental health and/or substance use disorders)

Rev. Diane Dardon is Protestant Chaplain with DePaul University’s Office of Religious Diversity

A Parade of Casseroles

bcicirel Seeds of Mission, Spirituality , , , , , ,

casseroleWorking at DePaul University I’ve learned a lot about St. Vincent DePaul the charity saint. While many others were doing good works during his time, Vincent was the first to organize charity in a systemic way. One of the first places he experimented with this was at a parish in Chatillon, France. He recognized that parishioners would respond when there was a neighbor in need, but that the person would be overwhelmed with too much attention all at once and so the good will was not put to good use – back then they didn’t have freezers to hold extra casseroles! So, Vincent began to organize the parishioners into small groups of people who would go out and do home visits to assess need and then decide together how to respond to it. In these visits, both the physical and spiritual needs would be attended to.

This practice continues today around the world with the St. Vincent DePaul Society and other ministries, where volunteers go into others’ homes. It is also happening right here in Chicago in my own St. John Berchmans (SJB) parish community thanks to the ministry of HOPE (Helping Other People Enthusiastically).

For the past few weeks my family has been the gracious recipient of the generosity of SJB friends who have brought us meals as we welcome home our son Theodore.

Typically I’m on the giving, not receiving end. At first my husband was hesitant to receive such generosity since “we” don’t really need it. When I asked if he was going to suddenly take up cooking as his new hobby and leave his newborn in order to go to the grocery store, he quickly changed his mind. Yes, perhaps we could use some extra help! It is a humbling time as we welcome with open arms a parade of casseroles and tasty treats to give us the endurance to push through sleepless nights.

There is something very intimate and sacred about inviting someone into your home, especially during a moment of need. People we see in the pews on Sunday entered both the joy and messiness of our life with a newborn. Some would stay and visit for a while, sharing their wisdom on parenthood. Others saw we had our hands full and just left instructions of how to heat the food.

The simple act of preparing and delivering a meal is profound way to continue to build bridges of solidarity together. We are grateful for the physical and spiritual nourishment we’ve received from the SJB community –the actual meals and the many powerful prayers that have made all the difference in our and Teddy’s life. Hopefully someday you will have the opportunity to join or receive a parade of casseroles too.

Joyana Dvorak serves as Service Immersion Coordinator with DePaul University Ministry when she’s not home on maternity leave with her son.

Photo courtesy of wikipedia.org

 

What is Vincentian?

bcicirel Seeds of Mission, Spirituality

Being-a-Vincentian

Often at DePaul we hear, see, and use references to our institution’s Vincentian heritage and mission. The word “Vincentian” is a direct link to our patron St. Vincent de Paul and our founding religious community, the Congregation of the Mission (also called “Vincentians”). The DePaul community is quite serious about its Vincentian mission even if there are different and nuanced understandings of what it means in theory and practice. At times, praise is given to people for acting or making decisions in a “Vincentian” way, perhaps because they extended or distinguished themselves in service to others. In other instances, critical judgment is passed on some actions or policies for being “not very Vincentian,” or not reflecting our cherished mission and identity.

Because this Vincentian mission is central to our identity and purpose as an institution and to how we understand and go about our work the question “What is Vincentian?” is a particularly important and relevant one.

In one way, it is and should be an ever-evolving conversation as circumstances change. In another there are certain foundational elements to “Vincentian” that are consistent over time.   In order to continue the conversation, I suggest two central ideas below for what “Vincentian” means. But, I’m interested in what others think. So – what do you understand to be key aspects of being Vincentian and to living out this Vincentian mission? What does it mean or ought it to mean for us to be a Vincentian university? What distinguishes us from other non-Vincentian institutions?

 Attention to the Needs of Those Who Live in Poverty
“[G]o first to all the poor and help them; if you can do other things, fine!” St. Vincent de Paul (V.10, no. 86)

The first idea I would contribute to the conversation is this: to be Vincentian as a person or as an institution means that a constitutive dimension of who we are must be about alleviating the suffering and addressing the needs of those who live in poverty. If there is anything characteristic of Vincent de Paul’s theology and life’s work, it was an attention to “the poor.” Therefore, if there is anything characteristic of a Vincentian person or institution, it must include a self-understanding and a commitment to social responsibility, particularly to addressing the needs of those who suffer or are marginalized by our society. With this in mind, our lives or our success are not measured by self-advancement alone but ultimately by what we do to help others and the human community as a whole to advance, with particular attention given to people who are disadvantaged or underprivileged by the structural realities of our society.

Whether one is an accountant, a nurse, a journalist, a scientist, a computer programmer, a musician, a teacher, an actor — or whatever profession or discipline one pursues — to be Vincentian means that we understand that the resources, skills, talents and opportunities with which we have been blessed find their full expression only when they are invested not just for our own benefit but also for the good and well-being of others, particularly to alleviate the suffering of the poor and outcast.

Attention to Providence
“[W]isdom consists in following Providence step by step.” St. Vincent de Paul (V. 2, no. 720)

The second major component that I would contribute to any notion of what it means to be “Vincentian” is attention to what Vincent often called “Providence,” or to the movement and action of God in our daily life and experiences.   Any reading of Vincent and his life reveals that Vincent’s worldview was grounded in a sense of God at work, leading him, guiding him, re-directing him, and moving him to action. Much of his attention was focused on discerning how and in what ways Providence was at work in his daily life, experiences, and human encounters.   He understood himself and his followers in their day to day work to be part of a much larger mission and project, that of God’s mission on earth.

With this emphasis on paying attention to Providence , being “Vincentian” means that we understand ourselves to be part of a bigger movement that transcends and exceeds the limits of our own life and person. It begs in us the question: “What is the larger project or mission of which you and your daily life and work are a part?” Or, put another way, “To what end is your life and work directed?”

These are two elements that I believe are essential to any understanding of what it means to be a “Vincentian,” whether as an individual or as an institution. There are clearly others… what do you think? Share your thoughts and ideas so that we can together paint a fuller picture of what “Vincentian” means for us in today’s day and age and here at DePaul.

Mark Laboe serves as DePaul’s Associate Vice President for University Ministry

Photo courtesy of http://bit.ly/1pGWcyw

What George Clooney Taught Me About the Importance of Education

bcicirel Seeds of Mission, Spirituality , , , , ,

BLOG photo 2

What does a mediocre rental movie have to do with existential questions of humanity and the value of higher education?  Probably very little, but I will let you peek into the firing of my synapses which found a connection.

It was a free night with no plans so my wife and I rented a movie from the box in the drug store.   After some discussion we choose The Monuments Men. The movie follows the ‘based on a true story’ tale of a group of art scholars tasked with preserving masterpieces during the throes of World War II. The mission is carried out while the Nazis are seeking to seize masterpieces from the countries being militarily conquered. Worse still, because of the war paintings, sculpture, and architecturally important buildings could be destroyed either due to the fighting and bombing or intentionally due to the Nazis’ desire to eradicate a people’s culture from the earth.

The movie focused on some key questions for us as people. How can we reconcile the spending of resources on preserving works of art (no matter how beautiful) with the fact that resources are in short supply and in high demand for other needs? How can we spend lives saving art rather than defeating the enemy? More importantly, what is it we are actually fighting for? What do we truly value?

These questions make me think of current debates regarding the value of higher education.   What is higher education’s purpose or need when, in a changing job market, a college education is not necessarily required and is certainly not a guarantee of employment?

If higher education is reduced to being a hoop one needs to jump through to get a lucrative job, I will concede pursuing it may not make sense. It is however more than that. Though it may help one get a job (and well it should), higher education is about education — learning, imparting wisdom, and helping one discern vocation. Perhaps most importantly, higher education is about discovering the contributions a person will make with their one precious life.

The process of education is about making sense of life and our world; it is not so our job market can ask us what sense higher education makes.   If education was all about how to get high-paying jobs (which are not bad and can be quite good) and that is all we focused on, our societal response to positions of care and compassion for our sick, elderly, and vulnerable would be very small. Human services would not be a field, nor would most liberal arts studies. History would be lost to time, and we would gain nothing from the accomplishments of those who have gone before us. The greatest accomplishments in thought and philosophy would go unlearned and unexamined. If it is all about high paying jobs, we may well be excellent producers of products, but we may never have learned how to think.

I recently watched the eyes of a large Mexican family – all of them, from oldest to youngest, men and women – fill with tears as they looked on with pride as their loved one (daughter, granddaughter, sister, niece, great niece, cousin) donned a DePaul cap and gown, becoming the first in their family to graduate from college. She will be going into a helping profession.

If higher ed is primarily about money this scene does not make sense, but if education is about more than that – striving to achieve, learning, living dreams, discovering passions, extending one’s understanding of community – the very things that make us human, then I think we have answered what the value of higher education is.

The movie The Monuments Men makes a compelling argument that we were not simply fighting to save people nor only to stop an imperialist power. We were fighting to preserve cultures, people’s histories, and greatest accomplishments. It makes the point that we value difference, beauty, and expression as humans. It also makes the point that we are willing to do what is necessary to preserve these elements for future generations. We do this so that those who come after us will be inspired to learn about their culture, learn about where they come from, and learn about the very essence of what makes them who they are.

Presumably this is also why we continue to offer and place value upon higher education. Without education present in our society we risk becoming a culture of task completers, valued chiefly by our capacity to produce. With learning present in our society, we are humanized and we are a culture of beings valued for who we are as a people.

In the movie one of the characters asks, “Who would make sure that the statue of David is still standing or the Mona Lisa is still smiling? Who will protect her?” If the focus had only been on defeating the Germans, the “monuments men” would not have made sense and neither would the art they were trying to save. If our focus is on our humanity and our greatest expression of such, these are the values we hold dear, these are the values we fight for, and these are the reasons we endeavor to learn.

 

Robert J. Gilmore is the Coordinator of Faith Formation for DePaul’s Catholic Campus Ministry

 Monuments Men image from from wikipedia.org; Egan Statue from http://abt.cm/1nTAZDq

 

A Spiritual Life…

bcicirel Seeds of Mission, Spirituality , , ,

emily

“Spiritual but not religious” is how many people identify themselves. I hesitate to label myself this way as I begin to uncover the truth, or lack thereof, in my own religious upbringing. Those who identify as such catch some flak for it, I think, because we don’t commit to a particular community. We don’t gather to celebrate our spirituality in a church, synagogue, temple or mosque. So what does our spirituality look like? Is it “watered down,” unfounded or ungrounded? I hope not.

I once heard that it is unacceptable to be a “cafeteria Catholic,” choosing various parts of the faith that one liked and discarding the parts that one doesn’t like. I found I had done that. I like the parts of Catholicism about preferential option for the poor, serving others and walking with people in their brokenness. But I didn’t like the hierarchy, patriarchy or history.

So now I see the spiritual life as “outside.” That “outside” is both literal and figurative. For me it is a journey outside of myself, outside into nature and outside of the comforts and norms to which we acquiesce.  Maybe it’s a focus on what science explains to be so amazing: redwoods that have stood for thousands of years, the physics of lift for a flying bird, the euphony of rain. It’s outside of buildings but also outside of one’s self. Spirituality seems to require the first step of listening – listening to others whether they are 7 years old, 47 years old or 97 years old, the President of the company or the janitor of the facility. It also requires listening to every moment; listening to the water drip in the shower, your shoes hitting the pavement, wind in the trees, air as it circulates a room, the breath of the person next to you and the laughter of a stranger.

There is a spirit that runs through and connects all those things. Maybe to get in touch with one’s spiritual self is to just stop, go “outside” and listen; but truly listen. So often we try to think of a best response to someone that we don’t actually listen to them. So often we try to think of a best response to a situation that we don’t listen to that situation. Before the planning and action, why not listen? When an upsetting situation or event arises I try to come up with a solution immediately. Maybe I just need to listen to the situation before attacking, as if it needs quelling. When a good or positive situation arises I try to think about how I can keep it going and preserve the good. Maybe I should just listen to it and let it go.

There is the spirit that gives people, animals and plants life. There must be a spirit that gives each moment and social movement life. When a community gathers to support equal rights, when a community stands up against injustice, when a community collaborates to bring about social change, it invokes a spirit. How do we nourish that spirit? How do we give spirit to the spiritual life?

 

Emily Kraus is an Administrative Assistant with the Division of Student Affairs who is also pursuing her Masters degree in Bilingual Bicultural Education at DePaul’s College of Education.  She is a former University Ministry student leader who completed her DePaul undergraduate degree in 2006 . 

Reveling in Uncertainty: My Spiritual Self-Discernment at DePaul

bcicirel Seeds of Mission, Spirituality

chelsey
While growing up my main encounters with religion were attending a Methodist church sporadically – if my mom had successfully dragged my brother and me there – and reciting a prayer before dinner: God is great and God is good, and we thank Him for this food…

I didn’t understand “God” and had no real desire to.

But the summer after my senior year of high school, at the insistence of my friends, I went on a mission trip to Tijuana, Mexico. While I did not always agree with what was said in group discussions, I was surprised to discover that I enjoyed the group prayers that began our workday. Addressing God held little meaning for me but I couldn’t argue with the positivity of centering our day’s work in love. While small, my appreciation for our daily prayers reminded me that perhaps religion had more to offer than I was aware.

This realization seemed to set the stage for my experiences at DePaul. For the next two years I had a growing interest in religion, especially after discovering that many of my peers who had inspired me with their dedication to social justice were also people of faith. I added a Religious Studies major, dabbled in meditation, went to a few services at an interdenominational church and started reading about shamanism. I was haphazardly seeking and yearning for a religion, practice or community that felt meaningful – but these efforts were put on hiatus as I left the summer before my junior year to study abroad in Peru.

When I came back to DePaul, I was wrestling with some existential questions that my experiences abroad brought to the surface. I remembered meeting Diane Dardón, one of the Protestant chaplains on campus, my freshman year at a retreat and I reached out to her to talk. We agreed to meet twice a week during spring quarter and through our conversations I slowly began to understand my spirituality, recognizing it as an anchor for all other dimensions of my life. I resumed my efforts of exploring different faith communities, attending Buddhist, Baha’i and Quaker services as well as a meditation class. I initially did not feel drawn to Christianity, but realized I understood very little about it. Pastor Diane answered my questions, explored what I was unfamiliar with, and deconstructed some negative stereotypes I had absorbed over the years. I began attending her Sunday evening worship service and joined DePaul Christian Ministries’ (DCM) women’s group.

As a seeker, confused and questioning, Pastor Diane welcomed me into DCM, offering the insight and support that I was craving. While I still am grappling with the same questions, I no longer have the spiritual disquiet that brought me to her office. I am content with my journey and can even revel in the uncertainties some days – I’m beginning to understand that it will be a life-long process.

Chelsey Sanford is a DePaul senior who will graduate next spring. She is a double major in Religious Studies and Peace, Justice and Conflict Studies

 Photo of Chelsey doing service work during DCM Women’s Retreat courtesy of Diane Dardón.

the good, the bad and the ugly

bcicirel Seeds of Mission, Spirituality

Marco Garcia m & v

We asked some seniors to reflect upon their time at DePaul University. Here is a glimpse of wisdom from Marco that will guide him into the future and that we hope will speak to you too. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section at the bottom of this post.

 

Like most, if not all, seniors I have been asked countless times what my future looks like and how I’m getting there. A few times, however, I’ve been asked what I am taking with me no matter what the future holds.

Lately I have been able to look back at a lot of memories both on and off campus that have made me who I am today, and the biggest piece of wisdom I have gathered is to live one day at a time, taking in the responsibilities and blessings of the day.

No two days have been the same. What made those days special and will continue to make them special are the people that I encountered. The people that surround you will make you who you are. They are the good, the bad and the ugly that will challenge you and will also support you.

I would say take time out of your day to just be human with others.

I came to DePaul University believing that I would learn to be a busy bee ready to go to work with a focused mindset on the tasks at hand. As I am leaving DePaul, I have learned to take time for people. Work will get done, but people will come and go. Enjoy them while you have them.

The biggest piece of wisdom I’ve gotten from someone else is a Salvadorian saying, “Whoever truly listens to advice will live to old age.” That is the best advice because it makes me listen to more advice! People give good advice so that others may live their lives a little bit easier.

Listen to the world around you because it will teach you what you need to know.

I hope to live the rest of my life by that.

Marco Garcia graduated from DePaul’s Driehaus College of Business this past Saturday.

It’s NOT about what you do – it’s who you’re with!

bcicirel Seeds of Mission, Spirituality

Friends lying down in vintage van

Dear DePaul Graduates,

As we bid you farewell and you make decisions about where you will go next in terms of your life and career, I want to encourage you to choose wisely your response to one very important question: Who are your travelling with on your journey?

As you think about what kind of job you will take, where you will live, what graduate school you will attend, or whatever other decisions await you as you look forward, this question may be among the most important in determining the person you grow to become. It should not be overlooked nor taken lightly.

We all Need a Little Help.

If you are to live an authentic human journey into freedom and into the realization of who you are over the long haul, you need others who will help you. You need friendships. You need mentors and guides. You need those older and wiser and more experienced, and you need those younger and full of energy, hope and idealism. You need to know and learn from those who are different from you and who help you to move beyond the limitations of your personal knowledge and experience. You need others to hold you accountable to your values and ideals when the going gets rough, whether by their mere presence, by their examples, by their encouragement, or occasionally even by their loving confrontation. With all humility and honesty, we simply cannot live full lives of commitment nor find true happiness entirely on our own. We need good traveling companions.

“NSA” Only Goes so Far.

Our society has changed significantly over the last decade or more in relation to how people associate – or increasingly don’t associate – with family, neighbors, employers, voluntary civic organizations, and churches. Generally speaking, in the United States we have become a human community that is much less likely to commit and grow roots in social institutions of any kind. When we do, we often seek to do so “no strings attached.” However, the proud notion of an individual “self” unrestrained by the influence of others and unaffected by webs of social commitments is an illusion. Seeking to be “free” from social bonds and commitments, we risk sacrificing what is most essential to who we are: our relationships and our own true happiness. We are undeniably social beings and our lives are shaped and enhanced in profound ways by the people around us.

Grow Your Own Communities—and Belong to Them.

Graduates, in today’s world of rapid change, choosing and actively building your community are more important and more challenging than ever before. Living in community with others requires intentionality and conscious action; it will not happen on its own. However, your efforts to grow and sustain your community of friends, family, co-workers, mentors, and associates will pay rich rewards for your overall well-being and quality of life. Those who surround and walk with you will be the ones to support you, challenge you, laugh and cry with you, teach you to love, help you to sustain your growth as a person, and lead you to persist with courage and integrity on your journey. Ultimately, it is with these people that you will find joy and fulfillment.

A Real Life Example.

Let me share an example of this ideal becoming a reality. When people are buying a first home, they often scatter from their friends. People have different budgets, thoughts around schools, and checklists for communities. But 16 years ago, our best friends and my wife and I intentionally bought houses near each other. Within a few years, we were able to encourage two other couples to find houses in our neighborhood. Now, our kids have been growing up together all of these years, we share childcare duties and a lawnmower, and support each others’ parenting ups and downs, while enjoying great summer BBQs, evening beverages, and conversation with our best friends in the world. Our family and another even chose to become foster parents in large part because we knew we would be supported by our community, which now has extended beyond four families, though those remain a nucleus for us. I cannot tell you the difference this has made in my life.

In conclusion…

So if you work hard at anything in the days and years ahead, wherever you are, let it be to choose and establish a human community of trusted companions that will walk with you on your journey, with whom you can joyfully belong and thrive, and that will foster the best of who you are and want to become.

Mark Laboe
June 10, 2014

 

Photo from http://thirdculturedkid.blogspot.com/