Dear DePaul Graduates,

As we bid you farewell and you make decisions about where you will go next in terms of your life and career, I want to encourage you to choose wisely your response to one very important question: Who are your travelling with on your journey?

As you think about what kind of job you will take, where you will live, what graduate school you will attend, or whatever other decisions await you as you look forward, this question may be among the most important in determining the person you grow to become. It should not be overlooked nor taken lightly.

We all Need a Little Help.

If you are to live an authentic human journey into freedom and into the realization of who you are over the long haul, you need others who will help you. You need friendships. You need mentors and guides. You need those older and wiser and more experienced, and you need those younger and full of energy, hope and idealism. You need to know and learn from those who are different from you and who help you to move beyond the limitations of your personal knowledge and experience. You need others to hold you accountable to your values and ideals when the going gets rough, whether by their mere presence, by their examples, by their encouragement, or occasionally even by their loving confrontation. With all humility and honesty, we simply cannot live full lives of commitment nor find true happiness entirely on our own. We need good traveling companions.

“NSA” Only Goes so Far.

Our society has changed significantly over the last decade or more in relation to how people associate – or increasingly don’t associate – with family, neighbors, employers, voluntary civic organizations, and churches. Generally speaking, in the United States we have become a human community that is much less likely to commit and grow roots in social institutions of any kind. When we do, we often seek to do so “no strings attached.” However, the proud notion of an individual “self” unrestrained by the influence of others and unaffected by webs of social commitments is an illusion. Seeking to be “free” from social bonds and commitments, we risk sacrificing what is most essential to who we are: our relationships and our own true happiness. We are undeniably social beings and our lives are shaped and enhanced in profound ways by the people around us.

Grow Your Own Communities—and Belong to Them.

Graduates, in today’s world of rapid change, choosing and actively building your community are more important and more challenging than ever before. Living in community with others requires intentionality and conscious action; it will not happen on its own. However, your efforts to grow and sustain your community of friends, family, co-workers, mentors, and associates will pay rich rewards for your overall well-being and quality of life. Those who surround and walk with you will be the ones to support you, challenge you, laugh and cry with you, teach you to love, help you to sustain your growth as a person, and lead you to persist with courage and integrity on your journey. Ultimately, it is with these people that you will find joy and fulfillment.

A Real Life Example.

Let me share an example of this ideal becoming a reality. When people are buying a first home, they often scatter from their friends. People have different budgets, thoughts around schools, and checklists for communities. But 16 years ago, our best friends and my wife and I intentionally bought houses near each other. Within a few years, we were able to encourage two other couples to find houses in our neighborhood. Now, our kids have been growing up together all of these years, we share childcare duties and a lawnmower, and support each others’ parenting ups and downs, while enjoying great summer BBQs, evening beverages, and conversation with our best friends in the world. Our family and another even chose to become foster parents in large part because we knew we would be supported by our community, which now has extended beyond four families, though those remain a nucleus for us. I cannot tell you the difference this has made in my life.

In conclusion…

So if you work hard at anything in the days and years ahead, wherever you are, let it be to choose and establish a human community of trusted companions that will walk with you on your journey, with whom you can joyfully belong and thrive, and that will foster the best of who you are and want to become.

Mark Laboe
June 10, 2014

 

Photo from http://thirdculturedkid.blogspot.com/