By developing guidelines for reflection, groups can foster a safer space to all participants.  Leaders can invite the group to develop their own guidelines/agreements before beginning, and by writing them down, the group can refer back to those guidelines if the conversation becomes challenging. Here are some sample guidelines to consider:

• Establish common ground rules rooted in respect.
• Physical space: Create an intentional environment with a centerpiece or focal point for the group – a candle, cloth, meaningful object, etc.
• Confidentiality: Establish group expectations and boundaries. (“What happens in the group, stays in the group” or “share the lessons, not the stories.”)
• No cross-talk.
• Practice active listening.
• Step up/step back:  If you usually talk a lot, step back to give others an opportunity. If you usually do not talk a lot, challenge yourself to step up more.
• Acknowledgement/Validate/Naming: Say “thank you,” reciprocate vulnerability.
• Invitation to share/pass: Check with the group about creating a space for people to pass but also challenge each other to grow.
• Check the pulse of the group.
• Read body language.
• Select a timekeeper for gatherings.
• Ouch/Explain: If someone says something that affects you negatively, say “ouch” and then explain your thoughts and feelings.
• Remain neutral, bracket own feelings, know when you need to ask for help.
• Remember complexity: One person’s experience doesn’t cancel out another person’s experience.
• Use “I” statements (“Could you reframe what you just said in I language?” “I feel…”).
• Use people-first language: Always put the person before the description of their reality. For example: instead of saying “homeless person,” say “person who is homeless.”
• Avoid saying “those people.” Where are you in this?
• Avoid generalizations: ask questions, remain curious.
• Balance head and heart: Notice whether you’re more likely to share feelings or intellectual analysis.
• Tears, anger, and passion are okay.
• Give everyone permission and space to change their mind.
• Avoid closed-ended, yes/no questions. Use why, what, and how instead. For instance, try “how was your day?” instead of “did you have fun today?”
• End on a hopeful note.
• Summarize what people have said.
• Bring enthusiasm!
• Let the group inspire and lead you by reading the dynamics of the group itself. (Listen to the vibes.)
• Have a clear intention/objective/purpose for each activity, reading, or question used.
• Remember: Reflection always has to move to action!