If there are blank stares or no one is participating, try:

• Rephrasing the question. Ask if they understand the question or need clarifying
• “Are people clear on directions or just feeling quiet? Do you want to keep your thoughts for yourself right now or is there something I need to clarify?”
• Remember silence is ok
• “Is everyone still thinking of the other topic? Did we move on too quickly?”
• Be aware that something is happening always.
• Ask people to respond with some sort of gesture (e.g. “thumbs up if we can move on”).
• Ask follow up questions. Rephrase the question in a different way.
• Give examples, tell a story
• Set the standard of vulnerability by sharing first
• Have people write down personally first before they share
• Move on if the question/activity is not working
• If a person is shy build a relationship with them and learn what is behind the quietness.
• Remember everyone processes differently

In Conflict:

• “Remember that we are not here to debate, we are here to be with each other and support each other. There is no right or wrong. We are not here to solve a problem.”
• Call people back to the ground rules
• Take control (as leader, you are empowered to do this). Move the conversation; remind the group about guidelines you have established.
• Allow healthy confrontation.
• Use “the two hands of nonviolence” By Barbara Deming

The two hands of nonviolence metaphor comes from the writings of the late Barbara Deming, a feminist writer and activist. In her book Revolution and Equilibrium,
Deming’s metaphor of the two hands underscores the creative tension that fuels both interpersonal transformation and social change.

With one hand we say to one who is angry or an oppressor, or to an unjust system, “Stop what you are doing. I refuse to honor the role you are choosing to play. I refuse to obey you. I refuse to cooperate with your demands. I refuse to build the walls and the bombs. I refuse to pay for the guns. With this hand I will even interfere with the wrong you are doing. I want to disrupt the easy pattern of your life.” But then the advocate of nonviolence raises the other hand. It is raised out-stretched – maybe with love and sympathy, maybe not – but always outstretched with the message that, “No, you are not the others; and no, I am not the others…” With this hand I say, “I won’t let go of you or cast you out of the human race. I have faith that you can make a better choice than you are making now, and I’ll be here when you are ready. Like it or not, we are part of one another.”

• OBSERVE the group – reflect back what you are seeing and bring this to the group – “I am noticing x and I just wanted to check in with all of you to see if what I am seeing is something we need to look at together – BREATHE – take 3 deep breathes – WAIT for the group to start working it out together. As leader your role is to reflect back what you see and facilitate the conversation, not to fix anything.

Giving Directions:

• Keep directions simple, clear, and direct. Repeat yourself.
• Offer visual and auditory directions.
• Ask: “Was that clear?” Check in.
• Be clear what they will be doing with the information/activity. If they will be sharing reflections with the group, make this expectation clear.
• Be clear on amount of time – according to this clock you have 25 minutes.
• Be clear about the intention behind the activity.

Offer Flexibility:

• Being able to give up what you had planned is important.
• Know how to change the mood or adapt to different settings.
• Keep the goal at the center.
• Remember that unstructured time is part of the experience, too.